another day of fall by Janet G. '27
when canvas went down and made me think about internet and people and the seasons
This Monday, as many Mondays go, felt like a terrible start to my week. For starters, it was raining when I woke up. Also, I was running on like 5 hours of sleep from making my 7.0601 Cell Biology cheatsheet the night before and studying all weekend—but boy did I wake up when Canvas02 a learning management system that hosts assignments and grades and class materials, similar to schoology did not respond after my 10th page refresh.
I do not have a propensity for time management, and so had not attempted to download the practice exams before Monday morning; this led to some frantic texting of friends to attempt to acquire a copy of the practice exam and answers so that I wouldn’t be rawdogging the exam. Thankfully, my friends carried through03 thank you Jean and Sean for providing me separate last minute copies LOL and I survived another day in 7.06.
The exam happened, and I went back to my dorm to change out of my wet socks that were pissing me off. Canvas continued to be down, which did not help with studying for my Deep Learning midterm, but it did help with getting extensions for all my class assignments. With fresh socks, new extensions, and clear skies, I decided to finally touch some grass for the first time in ~2 weeks and go take a break.
Post-rain Cambridge felt particularly clear that afternoon. The rain finally washed the green foliage away in place for golds and reds, and for the first time this year I felt like we were in fall. It was so beautiful that I let myself wander for half an hour while my lectures for deep learning waited, trying to soak up all of this colourful warmth before the sun set.
Seasons do not change in the blink of an eye; the reality is probably that the fall colours had already burst along the esplanade before I looked across the river that day. But it is also true that my perception of the world changed that day, because the rain cleared the skies and Canvas shut down so I had an excuse to stop working and breathe. It is crazy how the Canvas software prevented me from noticing nature’s own canvas, but it is a sad fact that you must accept. To do well, you give some things up in place of others, and you must believe that it is worth it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the internet and technology from taking Petey’s CMS.61404 Critical Internet Studies, a class I have thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend. It makes you think about the internet in ways that you don't expect – the dark underbellies and (seemingly) boring infrastructure – and gives us space to work through our ideas using projects and discussions. Shoutout Petey for allowing me to think about the world in not-hyper-optimized ways and fail in ways that I am glad to. , and I’ve been talking to friends about dormspam discussions on burnout and workload, and this whole story just feels uncanny in how it ties everything together. This is a school that pushes you to work hard, where you will probably grow to build and shape the technologies that come back to shape you, and these technologies will both prevent you from engaging with the world around you (as in assignments and youtube shorts) and help you preserve the beautiful moments when you see them (as in phone cameras). I’m glad I’m not really on social media anymore; sometimes I forget that my phone exists, which is one less battle I have to fight to get my attention back.
There’s something else tucked away in these thoughts too. Some emotions—bittersweet? ephermerality? nostalgia?
There’s something I wrote to my friends about the seasons last week:
winter is swiftly encroaching upon fall. the leaves have barely put on their red and yellow coats, and the sun already is impatiently casting its own golden beams onto the foliage. everything feels crisp at this time of year. the sky is blue in a way that always makes me sad. why must you be so brilliantly blue? why must you let the sun shine through but leave no warmth? why must you make me love you so much and miss you so deeply?
i always feel emotional around fall. there’s a bittersweetness about it; everything feels so temporary. we’re waiting for the end, the harvest, the next year where new beginnings begin. the days only get colder and colder and colder. the leaves decorate the trees until they fall into big piles at the root, until they fall away and snow begins decorating the branches, until that falls away too and all we have are barren branches and eerie silences
Today is the first day of family weekend. My family and the land I grew up in is thousands of miles away, in the part of the world that is blooming with daffodils and magnolias and kowhai for spring, in a country where the trees stand tall and evergreen and does not know why fall is a noun too. I have not been back in two years and Fall—or shall I say Autumn?—is the first season I learned to live alone in.
My midterms are mostly done now; my life is moving more slowly. Maybe I’ll finally have a chance to reflect on the bigger arcs of my life—ending my tenure in HackMIT, jumping more into research, being more responsible about my social life—and maybe I’ll write about them. But for now, I’m going to go walk by the river again, spend time with the people I love, and appreciate the vivid colours of nature’s canvas.
- Cell Biology back to text ↑
- a learning management system that hosts assignments and grades and class materials, similar to schoology back to text ↑
- thank you Jean and Sean for providing me separate last minute copies LOL back to text ↑
- Critical Internet Studies, a class I have thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend. It makes you think about the internet in ways that you don't expect – the dark underbellies and (seemingly) boring infrastructure – and gives us space to work through our ideas using projects and discussions. Shoutout Petey for allowing me to think about the world in not-hyper-optimized ways and fail in ways that I am glad to. back to text ↑