doctor worm by Mel N. '24, MEng '25

life has been weird. life has been extremely busy. it feels like things are clicking into place and falling completely apart all at once.

i worked all through spring break, including weekends — i think from monday the 17th to saturday the 29th i went into lab every single day. i justified it with the fact that i didn’t have any classes to take my time away from experiments, and i could just focus on doing things.

this past week, with classes resuming, my average time leaving the lab was around 9 or 10 pm. i’m studying progenitor cell migration in planarians, which are these silly little regenerating flatworms with cartoonish eyes that make them look all shy, and i had to learn how to perform transplant surgeries on them. but they’re small, and it’s very easy to mess things up.

i cut a hole in the recipient, cut the donor until all that’s left is a square piece of tissue, then move that to the recipient’s hole

needless to say, i was in survival mode every single day until i finished my last task minutes before midnight on friday.

now, i’m reeling from the intensity of that week. i’m taking a step back and realizing that it was unsustainable, that i might have lost myself somewhere along the way, and if i don’t reel it in i might end up somewhere i don’t want to be.

it’s just really easy for me to go into lab and spend all of my time there to run away from problems accumulating in my life. my messy apartment. maintaining my friendships.

but being a full-time lab rat as a coping mechanism comes at the cost of ignoring my assigned readings, doing my psets the night they’re due, long lapses in my responses to friends, having to miss events i wanted to attend and meetings that i’m supposed to be at…

i think i needed to learn this lesson the hard way. something needs to give if i want a more balanced relationship with work. i can’t let the worms take over my brain entirely.

even if they’re really cute

this week, my workload is a bit better — just dealing with a lot of long waiting times between steps. i still have a lot to do. i have papers for a discussion-based class tomorrow that i haven’t read yet, and i have a quiz for my other class on thursday, but there isn’t that same sort of confused despair that i was drowning in.

i think, most of all, being in community with the people around me has saved me.

• the culture at my lab is what keeps me from going insane — everyone is so sweet and funny and whip-smart, and they’ve welcomed me with open arms, and i feel like i’m accomplishing things. i went thrifting in porter square with some of them last sunday, and attended a concert at someone’s church where they were singing, and it’s all been so so wonderful. apparently we’re going to participate in in somerville’s porchfest, which i somehow have never heard of despite being in the area for four whole years??? but i’m excited to have a reason to practice playing the electric bass i bought last year.
• i officially became a member of WMBR, mit’s college radio station (88.1 fm)!!! i’ll be having my own show for the summer session. i need to figure out what i want to call it and what kind of music i want to play, but i’m thinking of making it worm-or-yarn-themed in some way…
• i saw someone knitting in my development class and we ended up adding each other on ravelry (a popular website for sharing fiber arts patterns and creations). in their bio they had the line “i’m not a real doctor, but i am a real worm,” because they studied c. elegans in undergrad, and i thought that was so charming.

I’m interested in things
I’m not a real doctor
But I am a real worm
I am an actual worm
I live like a worm
[ … ]
Someday, somebody else besides me will
Call me by my stage name, they will
Call me Doctor Worm

like, yes!

• i’m interested in things. ✅
• i’m not a real doctor. ✅
  • i got into grad school, and that whole journey will be a separate post, and by the end of it i still won’t be a real medical doctor, and i won’t be studying worms anymore. but in my heart, my soul, and all levels except physical:
• i am a real worm. ✅
• an actual worm. ✅
• i live like a worm. ✅
• and someday, somebody will call me doctor worm. ✅