The Secret Lives of Machines 🤖 by Fiona L. '27

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I primarily use my iPad, SLP-F9FD20PWLMX0 to take notes during class. SLP is a tough, no nonsense master of productivity, with a work ethic I admire greatly. Offering me free academic tools and nothing more, SLP protested greatly when my friend tried to download Genshin Impact on them, and when I used their Apple Pencil to draw the Among Us version of Massachusetts.

Behold… MassachuSUS!!!!

Deep down, I think SLP believes in my ability to improve, despite my chronic inability to focus on my psets and my tendency to use their Apple Pencil for goofy doodles.

Marla

Imagine how much resentment you would feel if you learned your parents dropped you on the head as a baby. Now picture that resentment, times a thousand. That’s probably the amount of hate that my phone feels for me. Marla is the phone I got before freshman year of high school, and who I continued to use (and drop) for the next five years. The hall of fame of places where I have dropped Marla: the floor of an aquarium bathroom, a plate of chickpeas, the parking lot of an In-N-Out. If Marla were a person and not an inanimate object, I think I probably would’ve been strangled alive by now. I imagine she was a kind, gentle soul once. But after feeling my dirty fingers on the daily and wearing cheap phone cases and having her storage pushed to the limit⁠01 not to mention all those aforementioned cracks , she’s become bitter with rage, her electric dreams filled with vengeance.

She finally snapped a few weeks ago. While in Yerevan, Armenia for my MISTI⁠02 A program that sends MIT students to work/teach/study in other countries. internship, I participated in Vardavar, a festival where everybody–men and women, young and old alike–splash water on each other as a form of blessing. I got soaked–and so did Marla! In one last act of rebellion, she started restarting at random times, and her display constantly scrolled up like the reels of a slot machine. She was rendered completely unusable. Thankfully, after a panicked email, I received money from MIT-Eurasia to fix Marla. Khachatur, an MIT Physics Phd from Armenia, and also our MISTI-Armenia program ambassador, recommended Pixel, a repair shop in the heart of Yerevan. I took the bus from my AirBnB in the hills, walked into the store, and waited. Part of me didn’t think Marla could ever be fixed. But another part of me held out hope that my relationship with Marla (and her screen) could finally take a turn for the better.

“My phone’s broken,” I said to the clerk when it was my time to be helped, “I think it’s water damage.”

“Well, it’s definitely damaged,” he replied, unamused. He motioned for me to follow him down a flight of stairs.

I descended into what can only be called an “EE Chamber.” A man hunched over a desk, where he worked to fix a phone with a screwdriver, its internal machinery scandalously exposed. His work was illuminated by a skinny desk lamp, and various wires and electrical parts were strewn across the desk. Behind him was a wall of semi-opaque cabinets of phone parts and other electrical equipment. I asked him how much the repairs would cost, and told him that I would check out the other repair stores in the area before coming back. But those were empty words–the choice had already been made. The moment I laid my eyes on the EE Chamber, I knew that that was no better place for Marla to be fixed.

In just one and a half hours, and for just $64, I came back to a healthy, working Marla, with an unbroken screen. I wanted to jump and scream in joy, relieved that I wouldn’t have to settle for a cheap burner phone, or spend the rest of my MISTI experience without data.

The next day, I ventured into an underground mall to buy a screen protector for Marla, determined not to fall prey to my old mistakes⁠03 Yes, I went screen-protector-less for five years. Evidently not a good choice. .

I think my relationship with Marla is improving. Yes, I’m still the same clumsy person I was before. But I genuinely try to care for her more, to make sure she doesn’t fly out of my hands or careen out of my comically small pockets⁠04 ah, the woes of womens’ clothing . I know 5 years of constant physical (and emotional) pain is a lot to get over, but to me, it’s worth it to try to overcome.

The Faucet

In my freshman fall, I was unfortunate enough to end up in a triple on the tenth floor⁠05 please don’t remind me of how often the elevator broke of Simmons. I was mildly dehydrated during the first few weeks of college simply because I was too lazy to go all the way down to the first floor, fill up my water, and then go all the way back up to the tenth. That’s where The Faucet came in. Ever kind and ever gracious, The Faucet was built atop a defunct minifridge by my Course 2 neighbor. Its creation left me with a deep seated desire to defect from Course 6 that still remains in my soul. The Faucet is friendly and sociable, always willing to give more, to help those in their times of distress. He’s the type of friend to buy you a tub of ice cream after a bad breakup, or to binge entire seasons of a show he doesn’t like, just because you wanted to watch it with him. Whether it be my dehydrated freshman self, or my Connor 2 friend using water balloons to fight back against upperclassman hazing, The Faucet continues to provide us with refreshing, cool, water. I only hope The Faucet takes a bit more time for himself.

Jacques

Jacques loves adventures. Whether those adventures are learning the guitar over quarantine, earning an MIT pirate certificate, or exploring a decrepit cabin in the woods, Jacques is here for it. As a flashlight, Jacques knows he’s especially suited for those late night strolls and those Things He’s Not Allowed To Be Doing. I don’t think he’s happy that I brought him to MIT “just in case” and I haven’t used him a single time. Especially with Marla’s flashlight, he hasn’t been able to join in on any midnight walks, 3am snack runs, or even a nocturnal trip to The Faucet to refill my water bottle. He simply sits on a cabinet in my dorm room, dreaming about the adventures we could’ve gone on together. One day, I hope Jacques’ wish can finally come true.

Edward

My parents used an extra $2,000 in outside scholarship funds to purchase Edward⁠06 Edward is the machine on which I wrote this post! :) , a Macbook for me to use during college. Edward became a nervous machine after joining my Apple Ecosystem and hearing Marla’s tales of violence and abuse. But to be fair, the worst Edward has experienced is a bunch of cutesy stickers stuck onto his back, which have since faded with age.

Edward’s laptop stickers!

Yes, there have been moments where I have ALMOST dropped Edward, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve caught him in all of those instances. And I got Edward a nice Magic Mouse⁠07 although I think Magic Mouses are slightly hard to use as well. I don’t think Edward should have any HR complaints to file against me–not that he would actually file them if he did, he’s the type of machine to try and fly under the radar, performing his duties adequately and not trying to attract any attention⁠08 Though I don’t think the stickers are helping with the last part. Sorry, Edward. .

Pauline

Whether I’m taking 2 hours to watch a 45 minute lecture video or unironically typing “edgy nightcore music” into the Youtube search bar, Pauline doesn’t judge. She is the trusty set of headphones that my mom got me in my sophomore year of high school, who I started to appreciate more once I started living with roommates. Pauline is apathetic, and a little bit jaded. Whether that’s due to my mildly cursed listening history, or whether that’s just the way that she was born⁠09 manufactured? , I’m just thankful that she doesn’t judge, like a cashier who scans your nine packs of salami⁠10 Salami addiction can creep up on even the best of us. 😔 without batting an eye. Unfortunately, though Pauline’s got the best internet tea and the best songs, I’ve never really learned much about her. She doesn’t tell me about herself often, though I’m certain she’s got some interesting things to say.

I made this little graphic for those who relate to my machines on a personal level