what to expect when you’re expecting by Aiden H. '28

I had a biochem exam today. It did not, uh…go as planned.

What was even more frustrating was that the exam was not particularly difficult. The content was totally fair and just challenging enough not to be pointless, but not so hard that most of the class couldn’t do it. ‘Twas I who made the mistakes and realized what the right answers were as soon as I walked out.

In light of this, some serious cheer is in order, and so I present to you a list of things to do if and/or when you find yourself in a similar situation. Feel free to treat it as a chronological bucket list or just a list to pick and choose from.

1.  Eat a Lot of Food

This is the easiest and the most realistic. No one has ever walked out of an exam saying “oh wow I’m so full”. Go to Concord Market⁠01 On-campus grocery store in the Stud (Student Center) and get a bunch of random snacks. Make the walk across the river to Shake Shack and get some great junk food. Sweets tend to work best, but that just might be me and my love of chocolate cookies.⁠02 Dark chocolate Quadratini or Pierre's French butter cookies

Today I had two dinners (an early dinner at 4 and a later one a 8), and it was just sublime.

2. Recalculate Your Entire Grade

For some reason, this is always urgent despite the grade not being finalized for months.

Start making a Google Sheet to calculate everything, and then give up halfway through. Try to do it on your phone calculator and then get mad because it’s saying you need a 431% on the final. Plan for every possible exam score you could’ve gotten, and then figure out what you need to get on each assignment accordingly.

Eventually give up because the math is annoying and you have to keep reopening the syllabus.

3. Tell Absolutely Everyone You Know About It

That one person you’ve seen on your floor twice? Start gossiping about how hard question 4 was. Call your friend who doesn’t even go here and talk about how atrocious you did on that integral or whatever. Text your extended family and try to explain the problem you missed, but have to reexplain that classes are numbers and all the other things.

Don’t worry–you don’t only have to, nay get to, rant on the day of the exam. Haven’t seen someone in three days? Go on even longer. We all do it, and it’s a necessary part of MIT bonding.

% of time you spend talking about it = 1/(Exam Score)

4. Forget About that One Problem

You know the one.

5. Watch a Movie

Preferably something trashy or a movie you’ve seen a bunch so that it doesn’t require any more mental energy than what you’ve exerted today.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is my go-to movie for any minorly upsetting day, but when I loaded Netflix to watch it, I noticed they just added 10 Things I Hate About You, so I had to watch it. I hate that I don’t hate that movie.

6. Walk Around

At least for right now, it’s really nice outside! Chances are you have many hours of daylight left, which is a little too early to call it a night. Sitting in your bed won’t do you any favors on the overthinking-every-question part, so just go wander. Perhaps towards another snack or a body of water to sit by?

7. Listen to Recession Pop

It’s time to get the energy pumping up again. We had a crash out, we were melodramatic for a minimum of four hours. Now we’re switching to the polar opposite: Lady Gaga.⁠03 alternatively, Ke$ha, Rihanna, Katy Perry (before 2014 only), Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, The Black Eyed Peas, one-hit wonders, or the artists of your choosing .

This step is best accompanied by steps 6 and 8.

8. Spend a Lot of Money

Retail therapy can never hurt your emotions, only your wallet. But you’ve convinced yourself you’re going to fail out and be broke anyway, so what’s a pair of jeans in the grand scheme of things?

(Seriously though, buying a thing you want of absolutely any size and price can be a nice reminder of prioritizing yourself, and earning something you want feels good).

I made the mistake of going shopping yesterday because it was nice out and I needed a break from studying. This is a curse! Do not violate the natural order of events! You must always go shopping after an exam, either as a celebration or a treat. You can never preemptively treat yourself, or the academic lords will smite you.

9. Go to Sleep

DO NOT do any more intense work that day. You almost definitely need a break, even if just for emotional well-being. Only do the things that are immediately required (i.e. due at midnight or early the next morning) and then wrap it up.

No pset will ever protect you the way a fluffy white blanket will.

10. Start Focusing on the Next One

There’s only one thing you can do to turn it around–work on the next pset/exam. You should almost never do this the day of said bad exam, but you can’t put it off forever.

Onwards and upwards! 🚀🚀 (hopefully)