suggestions for MIT merch by Jenny B. '25

How is it already December? It feels like it was just a few days ago that I arrived on campus, and now there’s holiday decorations everywhere. And I have finals coming up, too? That’s wild.

Anyway, it’s that time of year again for my favorite seasonal meme:

The holiday season is a time for gift-giving. A couple of weeks back, I visited the MIT Coop to get merch for my parents. It’s your standard college merch store, plus a bunch of science-y books and shirts that say “Future Scientist” and “(e/c^2)*sqrt(-1)*(PV/nR).”

As much as the items sold there are decent, I have some humble suggestions for additional merch that people might want to buy as a gift for their family, friends, and loved ones.

(continued from the “bad graphic design” part of this post)

Apparel

1. MIT Booty Shorts – What more can I say?
2. MIT Full Face Zip Hoodie – For when you want to channel your inner Tim the Beaver. Or if you just don’t want to talk to people.
3. MIT Beantown Shirt – Yes, “Beantown” is a nickname for Boston. Yes, MIT is actually in “Cambridge.”
4. MIT Toe Socks – Yank off those snow boots and sport your MIT pride with TECHNOLOGY spelled out on all ten toes.
5. MIT Mech Suit – Officially issued by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Mechachusetts Institute of Technology. Massachusetts Institute of Mechnology?
6. MIT Dome Hat – What better way to show off your nerd side while playing your favorite song than to headbang with this on?
7. MIT High-Waisted Pants – These hips don’t lie!

Home and Auto

1. MIT Magnetic Math Equation Car Decal – An intellectually-stimulating sticker to keep the driver behind you occupied with a fun little math exercise while you’re both waiting at a stop light.
2. MIT “Beware of Student” Sign – An informative sign for tourists who are visiting MIT for the first time.
3. MIT Villain Swivel Chair – In case you use your degree from MIT to become an evil scientist instead of pursuing more sensible life choices.
4. MIT Tim the Beaver Diploma Frame – Somebody decided to sacrifice their rational thinking to create this Tim the Beaver diploma frame.
5. MIT Sparkly Y2K Car Magnet – It’s the year 1999, and a bunch of groups thinks that the Y2K computer bug will destroy the earth and bring about the apocalypse. What better timing than to flaunt your computer science degree?
6. MIT Tim the Beaver Lamp – A glazed ceramic Tim the Beaver that will watch over your desk with his merciless, glowing eyes.
7. MIT Broom – This will come in handy when you graduate from MIT and become a superhero, but you destroy half of the city while fighting your nemesis and the city people want you to clean up the mess.

Gifts and Accessories

1. MIT Broadsword – When you and your friend can’t agree on whose League of Legends champion is better and have to resort to a public duel.
2. MIT Ancient Eldritch Amulet – Are you lonely because everyone else would rather talk about sports and the Kardashians instead of theoretical physics? Summon your own special eldritch monster who can match wits with you, and you’ll never be sitting alone at the lunch table again.
3. Will Hunting Action Figure – It’s that guy from That Movie With MIT in It, now as a 5-inch tall figurine! If only it could also solve your graduate-level problems.
4. MIT Beaver Golf Headcover – Show off your MIT alumni status to your golf buddies by impaling a plushie beaver head onto your golf clubs.
5. MIT Tim the Beaver Keychain – A cute Tim the Beaver keychain to go along with your purse or backpack. Doesn’t he look so excited?
6. MIT Hack Your Own Dome Kit – MIT hacking: now with less safety concerns!
7. MIT Student Plushie – Have your very own li’l MIT student, complete with an MIT beanie and impostor syndrome. Plays crying noises when you press a button in its hand.