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Better ways to get around campus by Jenny B. '25

as in "better" i mean "objectively worse"

I’m now in my third year at Next House, so the long walk to campus is nothing new. Usually I enjoy the walk, but when the weather sucks or I’m coming back from a long day, I wish I could move faster than my legs could carry me.

But sometimes, the Tech Shuttle is so far from the nearest stop that just walking to Next is the faster option. I have a skateboard, but it’s not as convenient as I think when I have to lug it around between classes. I don’t want to fork over cash for an electric scooter or a bike, neither do I want to pay for a Bluebike ride for an ~8 minute walk every time.

We as a society have settled for suboptimal modes of transportation, and this is a problem.

Alternative evolutions of the bicycle

four college students riding a tandem bicycle

[click on any of the images for a better view!]

Why settle on a bicycle? Why not tricycles, for extra stability and a flair of whimsy? Become the coolest dorm/FSILG in MIT by riding a tandem bike with your hallmates like a happy suburban family who visits Disney World every summer.

I’ve actually seen someone ride a unicycle down Amherst Alley before. You can’t get any cooler than that.


student doing a handstand

Are you tired of walking? Did you skip arm day because you had to write up that pesky problem set in LaTeX? Are you bitter at Maseeh people for living so close to campus when you have to walk all the way back to Next House, even though the doctor said that more walking is going to prolong your ankle sprain?

Try arms! Give your legs a break and become friends with the next best pair of limbs on your body.

And if that gets boring, you can even use all four limbs at once!

student crawling on all four limbs upside down

someone call an exorcist

(Don’t stand upside-down for prolonged periods of time.)

Our own subway system


yeah i mean why not

If we can build roller coasters and put police cars on the Great Dome, there’s no reason why we shouldn’t build our own transit system. Plus, this is a good chance to extend the campus tunnel system to student residences.

Prehistoric animal


If there is one thing I learned from the Jurassic Park franchise, it’s that dinosaurs are so cool that there’s nothing wrong with bringing them back to life and riding a triceratops to class.

MIT is supposed to be full of science geniuses or whatever, right? If an MIT faculty member won the Nobel Prize like a week ago, then there’s gotta be someone here who knows how to resurrect dinosaurs.

C’mon, it would be cool.


two researchers standing in front of the interdimensional portal they opened

UROP: undergraduate research opportunities program

There’s no reason for us to tether ourselves to the limits of our reality when we can reject the laws of physics and take advantage of the eldritch forces.

Take that, Lovecraft! In your racist face!

Your friendsone dude piggybacking another dude

And last but not least, nothing makes the trip to campus more bearable than the presence of some good friends.