A head-and-shoulders illustration of Hala. She has long, sleek dark hair, medium-toned skin, and is smiling. She is wearing a green sweater and a gold necklace with a cedar tree hanging from it.

the life I could’ve lived by Hala K. '29

it’s like one of those “what if” episodes

For most of high school, I knew exactly which college I wanted to go to. I planned out my major, looked through course offerings, and daydreamed with friends about our future lives there. If you had asked high school Hala, she would’ve confidently told you she was going to go to the University of Michigan (Umich).

It’s not that I didn’t know about MIT. Transparently, it was always the school I dreamt about in the background – I just didn’t think it was possible for me to actually get in. And if I couldn’t get in, why waste time thinking about it?

This mindset changed after MITES. MIT became a real place to me, somewhere I could actually picture myself going. So, when I received my acceptance letter months later, I was SO EXCITED.

But, I’m the most indecisive person you will EVER ⁠01 a lot of people say this about themselves, but I actually am the most - trust meet so I continued to apply to all of the schools on my original list. I decided I wouldn’t commit until I visited them all.

Throughout this time, people kept repeating to me that ”it doesn’t really matter, college is college.”

I. HATED. THAT!!!

What do you mean it doesn’t matter? By clicking the “commit” button, I officially set into motion a completely new life for myself – a new life that may exist 863 miles away from home, may consist of random people I have never met, and may become my biggest regret.

I ended up committing to MIT at 8:30 PM on May 1st. ⁠02 the last day to submit But I spent the next few months constantly second guessing this decision. I thought about all of the schools I had once dreamed of and had just turned down. Most of all, I thought about Umich.

Every single one of my closest friends had just committed there. That meant my days were often spent listening to them talk about their housing plans, asking who would room with who, considering their majors, and participating in orientation events. I wasn’t jealous; I truly loved MIT and couldn’t wait to attend. But I couldn’t help but wonder if I should’ve thought about the decision for just a little longer.

***

When I was home for spring break 2 weeks ago, my friends who went to the University of Michigan invited me to spend the day there with them. They weren’t on spring break meaning that this Monday was a normal school day for them. Throughout it, I thought a lot about what my life would look like if I had picked Umich.

We started the day off at their apartment. If I went to Umich, I probably wouldn’t be in a dorm like I am now. I’d be living off-campus in a three-bedroom apartment with my friends Jana and Noor. I’d also have my own kitchen, meaning I’d opt out of a meal plan. But this would be TERRIBLE for me since I can’t even make eggs (I know it’s embarrassing, don’t talk about it). Assuming the apartment somehow doesn’t burn down, I wonder if I would’ve learned how to cook – or just ended up buying food each day.

A modern apartment kitchen with dark cabinets, a stainless steel dishwasher, and a light wood floor. The countertop holds various items like a coffee machine, jars, and kitchen essentials, while a small table in the foreground has a candle, notebook, and other personal items.
their apartment is so cute I CAN'TTT
A neatly made bed with white bedding and a chunky knit blanket in a modern bedroom, with framed posters on the wall and a dark accent wall behind the bed.
i'm obsessed with Noor's side - the posters are so cute

 

I dropped Noor off at her chemistry lecture (she refused to let me sit in), and the first thing I noticed was how BIG everything felt. A single grade at Umich has around 9,000 students… MIT’s is around 1,300. You can literally tell how many more students there are by just walking around. The streets are packed, lecture halls are completely full, and my friends said they barely recognized a lot of people in their classes.

Ann Arbor (where Umich is) is the definition ⁠03 funny enough when searching up the definition, gemini told me that a common example is the University of Michigan lol of a college town. Everywhere you go is covered in Umich-themed decor, restaurants are interspersed between academic buildings, and nearly everyone you pass is somehow connected to the university. Umich also has a lot of grad schools meaning that as we walked around, I was surrounded by people from a LOT of different age groups.

A large neoclassical academic building with tall columns and a wide staircase, set across a street on an overcast day, with a few pedestrians walking nearby.
you can't convince me this isn't an offbrand MIT - it looks the SAME as our dome
A large university lecture hall filled with students seated in tiered rows, many using laptops, as a class is in session at the front of the room.
LOOK HOW BIG THE CHEM LECTURE HALL IS - photo creds to this post: https://x.com/michiganalumni/status/699684730824949764/photo/1

It was around 10:30 AM by the time I finished dropping Noor off, and Jana and I were going to go out to get breakfast and study. We crossed the “bridge to happiness” ⁠04 their pretty funny name for this short bridge that leads to all the off campus restaurants to pick up some breakfast from a local cafe and then headed over to her usual study spot – the UGLI (yes, pronounced the way you think). Funny enough, I actually recognized the building from its ceiling because it’s where she usually facetimes me from.

A person standing in a dorm room wearing a brown puffer jacket and holding a phone, with a bed and desk visible in the background.
aww look how cute jana is all packed up and ready to go
A person sitting at a table in a casual restaurant or café, with food containers, a drink, and a phone on the table.
BREAKFAST!! my grilled cheese was so so good
Person sitting on a yellow couch in a library or study space, looking at a laptop, with other students working in the background.
time to lock in...

Off topic but I don’t get why colleges love this yellow/green color scheme. MIT’s student center looks the exact same! PLEASE use some more pastels!! I tried to study, but I was fighting for my life to stay awake the entire time. But Jana had a physics exam at the end of the week so I couldn’t distract her.

If I went to Umich, I think I’d be majoring in robotics instead of Computer Science. I’ve always loved the idea of writing code and then seeing it come to life on an actual machine right in front of me. I spent most of high school dedicated to our robotics program, so it would make sense to continue with it after graduating. I’ve thought about doing Course 2-A6 ⁠05 Control, at MIT too, but I’m worried it’s more physics than I’d actually enjoy. Then again, maybe I would’ve felt the same way at Umich.

Another difference: Umich’s engineering campus is separate from the central campus. So Jana, (being my only non pre-med friend) takes a bus to get there each morning. I’d probably be riding it with her but considering that I barely wake up on time when my classes are 5 minutes away, I don’t know if this would be possible for me.

After (not) studying for a few hours, my other friends finally finished their classes and decided to take me out for the rest of the day. Here are some highlights:

Three people in puffer jackets walking down a city street lined with shops on a cloudy day.
walking to get dinner...the aritzia super puff epidemic hits Ann Arbor
Two people sitting at a restaurant table with sushi and drinks, smiling at the camera.
this sushi was to DIE FOR - and fatme and noor are cute too, I guess
Two green iced drinks on a counter next to a small receipt and a napkin.
MMM this matcha was to die for (actually i dont know why i said that because i hated it and kept trying to convince myself to like it)
Interior of a bookstore with shelves filled with books and display tables in the center.
little trip to a bookstore it was so so cute
Person browsing a bookshelf labeled “Horror” in a bookstore.
i swear i bought the book in my hand - this is not just a photo-op
Person sitting by a window holding a drink, with another drink on the table in front of them.
went to chill at the apartment for a bit after. LOOK AT LAYALL!! she's so cute + jana made us smoothies
People standing at a fast-food counter looking at the menu screens.
i don't think I've ever gone out with Maryan (the one slurping her drink) and didn't end up at 7/11 somehow
Person standing outside at sunset, smiling while holding a notebook.
okay this is not said here but this whole trip is actually for my friend Fatme who was visiting Umich to see if she wanted to attend - look at how happy she looks
Silhouettes of people standing by a fence watching a colorful sunset over a city skyline.
dropping me off to the parking structure w a beautiful sunset

More than anything, I kept thinking about how much fun it would be to go here with them. I’ve had the same friends since elementary school (I know, it’s CRAZY). From living together to studying together to binge watching movies in the middle of the night, I imagine it would be super special to get to live through college together too. Going to MIT meant making new friends for basically the first time in my entire life – which was SUPER scary for me.

However, when I headed home at the end of the day, I didn’t feel how you might expect based on the blog thus far. I wasn’t filled with regret over not picking Umich. If anything, I felt the exact opposite. I felt more certain than ever that I made the right choice in going to MIT.

Not because MIT is “better.” Not because of what people kept telling me about everything being the same everywhere.

I felt that way because I realized that my life WOULD be different, but happiness in one doesn’t mean unhappiness in the other. I would love to live near home, visiting each weekend to see my family and eat my mom’s food. Simultaneously, I love living in Boston. I think it’s easily one of the best cities across the US and am always finding a new cafe to fall in love with. I would love to live with my best friends from high school and probably laugh an uncontrollable amount with them every day. Simultaneously, I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE the friends I’ve made here at MIT and can’t comprehend how we technically just met a few months ago because it feels like I’ve known them forever.

I realize that a lot of you reading the blogs right now are faced with exactly this decision: choosing between your own versions of Umich and MIT.

The point I’m trying to make is that the college decision process does matter, and you shouldn’t let anyone dismiss your feelings by telling you that it doesn’t. Your life will look different depending on where you decide to go. But different doesn’t mean better or worse – it just means different. You can build a life you love in more than one place. ⁠06 it's like that thing where you don't only have one true love blah blah

And I KNOW that’s not the most satisfying answer. It feels like there should be one “right” choice. But I really don’t think there is. I think whichever path you choose, you’ll grow into, and eventually, it’ll start to feel like the one you were meant to take.

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  3. funny enough when searching up the definition, gemini told me that a common example is the University of Michigan lol⁠ ↑
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  5. Control, Instrumentation and Robotics - our version of robotics at MIT i guess but under the mechanical engineering department⁠ ↑
  6. it's like that thing where you don't only have one true love blah blah⁠ ↑