wherever you go, there you are by Kayode D. '27

Where to go from here?

To be sincere, 

I didn’t think I’d make it near.

My twenty second year

some life I’ve engineered

to the good for all my peers.

Did you know it snows up there?

Nothing like the Vegas scene,

but you’re still you.

Can’t run away from that too.

Wherever you run, there’s always you.

Wherever you go, there’s always you.

…

I love youtube videos like this. videos with under a hundred views, from some regular person’s account where they upload covers of songs that they like. It feels so real. So midwest emo. So alive internet theory⁠01 dead internet theory is this idea that the internet is largely just bots and ai-generated posts designed to follow algorithmic trends posts like these make me believe the internet is still alive. .

I saw this video a few days ago, while I was studying for finals. I i procrastinated⁠02 shocker, i know , and had to study non-stop all week. And it sucked. A lot.

And when I saw this video, the titled reminded me of a saying but I couldn’t quite remember. I thought it went “If you only go where you’ve already gone, you’ll only ever be where you’ve already been.” The real quote is from Henry Ford:

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be where you’ve always been.”

And both are true! This semester I did what I’ve always done, and I got what I’ve always gotten. haha. I’m not even surprised! I have big dreams, but I keep doing what I’ve always done, and expecting things to just magically change?

Sometimes I feel like Esau. In the bible, Esau was the eldest son of Isaac, and the older brother of Jacob. One day when coming back from hunting, he was extremely hungry, and his brother offered him a bowl of stew in exchange for the birthright that Esau would get from their father. This is an INCREDIBLY unfair deal, but Esau sought the immediate gratification over the long-term reward he had in store. He later regretted this decision and tried to get back what he lost, but he could not. I feel like Esau, sometimes. Like I forfeit the long-term gratification of hard work or trouble in favor of avoiding conflict, or procrastinating, or xyz things.

I think at first, this video made me feel depressed. Like, i chose this Hole i find myself in. But then in anticipation of posting this blog [and being home for a week for Christmas], I listened to the song a few more times, and it’s taken on a new meaning.

Wherever you go, there you are. 

The exciting thing about this quote is that it’s true! I have ideas of where I want to go, and if I go there, there I will be. I have goals and hopes and aspirations and dreams, but I’ve gotten comfortable just eating my bowls of stew [doing only what’s required of me], and not taking full advantage of the birthright being offered to me! [Trying new things! Taking risks! Being bad and improving!]

Well no more! If I want to be somewhere I’ve never been, I need to go somewhere I’ve never gone, and do something I’ve never done. That’s scary! Life is hard! I don’t really know what I’m doing! My mother tells me that I always want to have the full picture before I make a move. I want God to just tell me every step of my life so I can take steps knowing how everything will play out, but that’s not how life works. The Bible says that the Lord is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path, not a headlamp shining miles down the road.

The great thing about Jacob and Esau is that their story doesn’t end there. Years later, they reunite and embrace each other. They had grown and reflected and literally wrestled with God. I need to go back and read that passage again soon. The hardest part of MIT isn’t even the schoolwork or homework, it’s just getting older and experiencing life and the ups and downs of it all. And I’m beating myself up! The whole time I’m writing this blog, I’m feelings so awful about my shortcomings. But God didn’t give up on me! No matter how far I run from the person I am, there’s always me. I’m always still there and God hasn’t given up on me, so I won’t give up either!! I won’t forget that.

Wherever you go, there’s always you.

more videos that prove the internet is not dead and also not a bad place maybe [but it probably still is]:

happy holidays everyone :]

addendum [because this blog isn’t long and jumping-around-in-my-adhd brain enough]: 

I listened to the song again on an airplane. I just finished watching Good Will Hunting, and I feel like Will. I’m no genius, but I am running from myself. I’m afraid of failure and it’s comfortable to stay where I am. But wherever I go, there’s always me. I am reminded of Jonah in the Bible; God told him to go to Nineveh [a very anti-God city where Jonah’s mission work would be very difficult and challenging], and so Jonah went the exact opposite direction. But no matter how far he went, God was always with him to point him. To push him in the right direction, but also to not give up on. God never gave up on Jonah or on Nineveh. No matter where Jonah went, there was always God and God was always with him. And in the end? God did ALL of the heavy lifting and the entire city of Nineveh (which took THREE DAYS to walk across) repented when they just heard that Jonah was in town. God did the work! And he never gave up on anyone. I think I’m done running.
Ok bye bye I wrote this during my layover.

My brother also wanted me to add this video. I showed it to him and I think it’s so tough. Steve just like me, fr. :