ice skating by CJ Q. '23
don't fall
wayne: it’s just like walking, you put one foot in front of the other
cj: does it
wayne: nooo you’re marching, like, go a little forward and let yourself glide
cj: okay, like this? almost slips. why do i keep losing my balance
wayne: you’re angling your feet wrong?
cj: tries it. that doesn’t help
wayne: i mean it’s easier if you go faster, it’s like riding a bike
cj: i hate riding bikes
wayne: …
cj: no i mean i like bikes i just don’t like riding them. have i told you how i can’t ride blue bikes because the seats are too high
wayne: yes
cj: tries walking some more. why is this so hard
wayne: you know that if you like, point your shoes the right way, it’ll just go forward naturally because the ice melts underneath the blades
cj: i’m not sure that helps
wayne: wait wait wait keep your feet closer together
cj: pulls feet together
wayne: not that close
cj: pushes feet apart
wayne: no i mean you need to keep your center of gravity above the space between your feet
cj: do you really think about physics when ice skating
wayne: you can also bend your knees to keep your center of gravity closer to the ground
cj: ah, just like in every other sport i’ve done
wayne: you’ve done other sports?
cj: i played tennis once, in a past life
wayne: oh
cj: tries going a little more. why is this so hard
wayne: it took me weeks to learn how to skate, you’re doing fine
cj: it doesn’t feel like i’m doing fine
wayne: you know i took a class right
cj: almost falls
wayne: try not to fall
cj: good advice
wayne: no i mean it kinda hurts. like you’re just wearing a shirt
cj: yes
wayne: should’ve worn something warmer
cj: almost slips. god how are you supposed to balance when you have a foot up
wayne: well how do you balance when you walk
cj: i have my other foot on the ground
wayne: yeah it’s the same thing
cj: okay but usually my foot is big and not a tiny line segment
wayne: woah woah don’t lean back too much
cj: so leans forward then?
wayne: no not too forward you’ll fall
cj: maybe i should learn how to fall
wayne: uh
cj: how bad could it be
wayne: once someone i knew went ice skating and fell and then fell out the rink and then down some stairs
cj: why would you put stairs so close to a rink
wayne: i dunno
cj: oh look it’s cami. hi cami
cami: cj!
cj: is this your first time too
cami: yeah, raymond’s helping me
raymond: hi
cj: hi
wayne: hi
cj: why is this so hard
cami: i know right
cj: it’s like, why do i have to use so much brain power to walk
cami: true
cj: okay bye
cami: bye
raymond: bye
cj: skates off, nearly falls
wayne: don’t do that
cj: don’t do what
wayne: that
cj: what
wayne: uh, like your feet, you’re doing it again
cj: gods okay sure
wayne: that’s better
cj: falls. ow
wayne: told you it’d hurt
cj: okay but it didn’t hurt that much. i feel fine
wayne: yeah that wasn’t a bad fall
cj: also do your feet hurt
wayne: mildly. i mean your foot’s been on a thin edge for the last half hour or so
cj: oh god i want to sit down
wayne: ok
cj: sits down. hey is that freddie? hi freddie
freddie: hi cj, hi wayne
wayne: hi freddie
cj: freddie how do you ice skate
freddie: well you put one foot up
cj: uh huh
freddie: and then put it in front of the other
cj: wow
wayne: that’s what i said
freddie: hope that helps
cj: i’m still so terrified when i’m on the ice
wayne: you’re doing fine! you’ve only fallen once
freddie: is this your first time
cj: yeah
freddie: that’s pretty good
cj: it doesn’t feel pretty good
freddie: it’s okay, you have wayne with you
wayne: hi
freddie: he’s canadian
cj: you’re canadian
freddie: you have two canadians!
wayne: uh huh
cj: you’re right, i have the power of canada and anime on my side
freddie: you can do it!
cj: thanks freddie
freddie: skates off
cj: well
wayne: well
cj: …
wayne: …
cj: …
wayne: …
cj: …
wayne: oh look it’s freddie
cj: oh hi again freddie
wayne: wow you lapped us
freddie: i mean it’s not hard when you’re sitting down
wayne: true
freddie: ok bye
cj: bye
wayne: bye
freddie: skates off
cj: ok i’ll get back on the ice. gets on
wayne: nice
cj: okay cj, try gliding. tries it, loses balance
wayne: don’t lean
cj: okay okay okay
wayne: you’re gonna fall if you lean
cj: sigh, why does everyone else make it look so easy
wayne: gee, i dunno, practice
cj: thanks wayne
wayne: no problem
mariah carey’s all i want for christmas begins playing
wayne: oh god i lost the game
this is all a metaphor. good luck with decisions