Everything is different now by Mimi S. '22

The student blogger named Mimi is a much different person than I am now. For better or for worse, everything about me has changed. I want to start with things that have remained the same since I left MIT. My love of music and anime has been constant. I was shocked at how many of my posts were about Jojo and even more shocked that I’m still just as obsessed with it! The manga’s been getting good and I eagerly await Jojo day each month. My last year at MIT, I spent most of it ignoring school work and playing with synthesizers at the Voxel Lab. It’s cute that old Mimi and I both get so obsessed about things and immediately have to share it with as many people as possible. Although, old Mimi tried a bit too hard to be likable in her posts. She’s not quite as funny as I am. I’ve still got the curiosity and drive and desire to learn as old Mimi. I know old Mimi is quite literally just me from a few years ago, but there are so many parts of her that I don’t like anymore. I don’t like that she’s not very confident and has to act like a different person to try to get people to like her.

Before MIT, I struggled within my shell. I was closed off to others, and too afraid to try and break out. Throughout my four years at MIT, I gradually opened up to people, developed some new hobbies, and really opened up. I played music in front of people for the first time in my life (it was a modular synth techno set, if you were curious). Generally speaking, I was trying new things and slowly stepping out of my shell. I had developed a real confidence in my self for the first time in my life.

When I graduated from MIT, I thought I had a golden ticket. I found a really good job, and an apartment in Boston, and I was ready to finally live my life for the first time. Then the apartment situation fell apart, so I moved back home with my parents. I wasn’t happy about it, but I could navigate that situation pretty well. During that time I met my current girlfriend, and moved in with her. I found a fantastic group of people in my home city. People that had been living there for ages, but that I didn’t meet until after MIT. I got really good at pool, wowing strangers at bars mostly. I was having a pretty good year.

I lost my job after about a year. What followed can only be described as spiral and collapse. That was the longest, coldest, and darkest winter of my life. Within three months, all of the confidence I had developed at MIT was destroyed. I entered a cycle of depression and anger. My relationship was falling apart and I was nowhere closing to finding a job in my field. After several months of this cycle, my girlfriend had reached her breaking point with me. I was inconsiderate, angry, and just generally made life difficult for both of us, and she had enough. She told me something had to change. I had to find something to get out of the house, and not be locked away all day. She suggested that I tried out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes at a local gym. I resisted. “Oh I’m not athletic, I don’t think i’d like it” “oh its probably expensive” “it’s probably going to be pretty bad for me to show up as a transgender woman”. I pulled back as much as I could, but eventually I gave in. I joined their beginner program.

BJJ was basically my life for the next several months, through the summer and fall. I was never good at it (I’m still not) but it give me meaning again. It gave me confidence. I felt dangerous. I started doing Muay Thai and MMA classes at the same gym. I went to a boxing gym for a little bit too, just so I could keep doing training. Now, I’ve started doing weightlifting in addition to my regular training. Doing that martial arts training basically kept me alive during that dark time.

At the same time, my girlfriend and I had slowly been developing a strong network of friends in the area. So now, I was working out, learning new skills, making new friends, and trying new experiences. In the fall, I ended up starting a new job in the restaurant industry. It’s not really what I want to be doing, but I like everyone I work with and I’ve made even more friends from there. My life from one year ago is vastly different than it is now. My life at MIT from three years ago might as well be a different person entirely. I think the most important lesson i’ve learned from this is that I have to remain open to new experiences all the time. I tried so hard to force my life to be what I wanted, and that just wasn’t happening. It lead to self-destructive tendencies, and generally depression. Once I let go, I felt like I start living my life again. I’m still looking for work in my target industry. I’m not giving up on that. But progress is non-linear.

Here’s a quick list of things I’ve done since graduating:

• Worked at an indie game studio
• Became a bit of pool shark (I have a reputation now)
• Grew my synthesizer collection
• Performed multiple local shows
• Started BJJ and Muay Thai training
• Learned to juggle
• Rescued a stray cat (my beautiful son)

Highly recommend reading my Jojopost if you haven’t. It’s amazing unhinged.

My door for at least 3 years at East Campus

my perfect son, who can do no wrong, and definitely didn’t completely destroy my blinds the first night he was here

the latest version of me

Cheers,

Mimi ‘22