How to Perform an Organ Transplant by Mimi S. '22
Doctors agree! "This is really the only guide we could find online."
Step 1: Wait and Hope
You have to wait. Not a week. Not a month. At least a year! Check your emails frequently. If you wait and hope hard enough, you will eventually see it.
Step 2: Alert the Others
Make sure people in your community are ok with this new addition to the family and get ready to catch the organ!
Step 3: Wait and Hope II
At this point, others have claimed the organ before you. Don’t lose hope! Maybe take a trip to California, or something. I don’t know. I don’t control you.
Step 4: Wait and Hope III
Step 5: Claim
Claim it. Claim the organ. It’s yours now.
Step 6: Prepare for movement
Get a U-Haul. A dolly. Quite a few people, at least two of them need to be strong. Coordinate! Don’t wait until the morning of to put everything together!
Step 7: Worry
Worry that everything is going to fall apart and prepare for the worst case scenario by constantly thinking about it.
Step 8a: git fetch organ
This is when everything comes into play. Make sure everyone understands what they have to do. Communicate with the organ donor. If there are too many people to fit in the front of the U-Haul, just jump into the back of the truck and get comfy.
Step 8b: git sick
Become incredibly nauseous to the point where you can’t actually help at all and sleep on your futon for essentially the entire ordeal while trying not throw up. Throw up anyway. Regret not being able to partake in the fun and joy of carrying an organ back home. Become empty inside. This void will be filled by your new organ!
Step 9: Pick up the organ
Step 10: Load up the organ
Step 11: Bring it up a whole 4 flight of stairs
Step 12: Gather ’round the organ
That’s it! You now have an approx. 100 year old organ in your very own home. But that can’t really be it? Can it? No! Now begins the best part!
Step 13: Restoration
Using your official American Reed Organ restoration book, fix anything that might be wrong with your fancy new antique organ! Bellows not working? Fix them! Keys janky? Please fix it. I’m begging you. The B flat key doesn’t work really well. How am I supposed to play music like this? Come on!
I, Giorgano Giorganna, have a reed that I know is right and just!