We Really Aren’t Kids Anymore by Paige B. '24

Song: We Aren’t Kids Anymore by Drew Gasparini

Almost two years ago, I was feeling angsty and wrote this blogpost about being a sophomore but not really feeling “older”. I felt like I was still a first year, but without the FPOPs and orientation. I felt angsty because I felt like we (the class of ’24s) were supposed to just get it. Like we were supposed to just know where the lounge for our newly declared majors was, and like we were supposed to know how to advise actual first years on where they should live [as though we should have a semblance of what dorm culture was after spending our first years on Zoom].

Through all of this angst, was ultimately the realization that time was passing. I would never get to redo my first year at MIT. Whether I liked it or not, whether I felt like it or not, I was a sophomore. But of course, with the speed at which MIT operates, I got over this fairly quickly. There really isn’t anything to do other than accept the reality when you have to start turning in problemsets and the semester is in full swing.

Now, here we are two years later, about to become a senior this fall. Of course, one can argue over the semantics of whether or not the class of ’24 are seniors right now, [I mean, according to the student directory I’m already a fourth year….] but that’s besides the point. I’m entering my senior year– and it’s already beginning to have an (albeit mild) affect on my life.

For instance, the other day my mom and I were talking about when my graduation is. [*nervous laughter* it’s less than a year away] Another day recently, I had the realization that if I want hot cocoa/tea/coffee nights to be a thing on my wing of Next House, I would need to just make that happen. And jesus christ, MIT alum friends of mine are talking to me about applying for graduate school. Which, to be clear, I deeply appreciate. It just makes me feel Old. I can only imagine how it makes y’all feel.

I’ve just been realizing that we really aren’t kids anymore. [omg it’s the title of the post]

Recently (aka in the last blog posted), Fatima ’25 lamented that she is “halfway done with MIT and I still do not know how to MIT very well.” And even though I’m an [academic] year older, I can unfortunately say that this still rings very true to me. I think I’m beginning to realize that I don’t think I will ever know how to MIT very well– even after I eventually graduate.

Which of course, there’s an sense of irony to that sentiment; the idea of feeling like I won’t ever know how to MIT well, while simultaneously knowing I will one day have ‘done’ MIT. And yet, I think it’s the most honest sentiment I can offer at this time. I haven’t had a semester here where I felt like I’ve just ‘gotten’ it, and I doubt I’ll ever have one.

But being/becoming a senior, I’m going to have to act like I have my shit together. I’m going to have to run REX events. I’m going to need to offer advice to incoming first years who ask for it (whether it be in the role as an associate advisor, or in the role of ‘generally older person’). I’m going to have to “get it”.

Maybe that’s all there is to not being a kid anymore– playing pretend. I sure hope so, because beyond pretending, I don’t know who I’m supposed to be or what I’m supposed to be doing. I just know that I’m older and should act like it. And feeling angsty about that is no longer cute.