actual conversations i have definitely had with freshmen during orientation by Allan K. '17
FROSH: where do you live?
ME: east campus! i love it a lot, actually, there’s so many cool —
FROSH: isn’t that the …you know … clothing optional … dorm?
ME: …
FROSH: seems kinda dirty too
ME: …
FROSH: i mean the roller coaster’s pretty cool
FROSH: but i would never live there
FROSH: because
FROSH: you know
ME: yes
ME: we are always naked and none of us shower ever
ME: beware
ME: resistance is futile
* * *
ME: hi i’m allan
ME: how’s it going
FROSH: cool
ME: cool
ME: have i told you about my a cappella group yet
* * *
FROSH: is this east campus
ME: no it’s fred
FROSH: but
ME: fred
* * *
FROSH: so where do you live?
ME: east campus
FROSH: oh cool!!!!! wow east campus is so cool and i can’t believe this roller coaster and wow
ME: omg yeah i know right??
FROSH: what hall do you live on?
ME: 5th west
FROSH: oh i don’t know anything about 5w
ME: we have a lot of cats
* * *
ME: hey do you like singing
FROSH: yeah i guess
ME: have you thought about joining an a cappella group
FROSH: uh–
ME: specifically mine
FROSH: well
ME: you should come to auditions
ME: no experience required
ME: we’re definitely not a cult
* * *
ME: so where are you from
FROSH: minnesota
FRIEND FROM MINNESOTA: omg omg
FRIEND FROM MINNESOTA: i’m from minnesota
FRIEND FROM MINNESOTA: where in minnesota are you from
FRIEND FROM MINNESOTA: what high school did you go to
FRIEND FROM MINNESOTA: do you know katie
FRIEND FROM MINNESOTA: katie’s also from minnesota
* * *
ME: so what’s up
FROSH: just waiting for a burger
ME: yeah those burgers are pretty good
FROSH: yeah i haven’t eaten anything else today
FROSH: this is my fifth
ME: child
FROSH: i felt bad for not eating vegetables
ME: good
FROSH: so i’m switching off between meat burgers and veggie burgers
ME: child
FROSH: i love east campus
ME: …
ME: yeah me too
* * *
ME: [walking somewhere at night]
GROUP OF FROSH: [whispering]
ME: need help?
GROUP OF FROSH: …
ME: …
GROUP OF FROSH: …
ME: …
ME: orange tours are that way
* * *
ME: so how’s orientation going
FROSH: good
ME: you guys go to that…orientation thing…yet…?
FROSH: no we skipped it
* * *
ME: are you going to the activities midway
FROSH: uh…
ME: the thing with all the clubs
FROSH: oh yeah
ME: cool what things are you gonna check out
FROSH: well i was looking at the a cappella groups
ME: omg
FROSH: there are so many wtf
ME: yeah there’s eleven
FROSH: weird
FROSH: anyway i was just gonna check out the logs they seem really cool
ME: ok
ME: but have you considered auditioning for other groups too
FROSH: well
ME: specifically mine
ME: the toons
FROSH: what’s like
FROSH: your thing
ME: what
FROSH: like what do you sing
ME: music
* * *
FROSH: so what do you major in
ME: aerospace engineering
FROSH: oh wow
FROSH: so do you like planes
ME: no
* * *
FROSH: hey
ME: hey
FROSH: can i have my hair dyed
ME: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROSH: …….
ME: yes of course
ME: welcome to east campus
ME: come
ME: let me take you to shallow goodale
ME: the best salon in boston
ME: open 24/7
ME: for all your dyeing needs
ME: find us on yelp
ME: we do haircuts too
* * *
FROSH: so what do you major in
ME: comparative media studies
FROSH: oh cool
ME: yeah
FROSH: what is that
* * *
FROSH: wait are you a blogger
ME: some have called me that
FROSH: yeah you’re allan k right
ME: that is me
FROSH: wow
ME: wow
FROSH: i liked your post about…like…the thing
ME: thanks
FROSH: do you know selam
ME: omg yes
FROSH: omg she’s so cool i read all her posts
FROSH: also lydia
FROSH: i love them
FROSH: they’re why i applied to mit
ME: i know right???
* * *
FROSH: so what year are you
ME: i’m a senior
FROSH: oh wow
FROSH: so you’re probably pretty jaded huh
ME: uh
FROSH: you just have that look
ME: excuse me
FROSH: you’re probably just here to feed on our youthful energy
ME:
FROSH: before you crawl back into your den
FROSH: to cry about your future
ME:
ME:
ME:
ME: so hey do you like singing
* * *
FROSH: so what’s the november rule
* * *
ME: so where are you temped
FROSH: one of the frats
ME: oh cool
FROSH: are you in a frat
ME: no
ME:
ME: well i’m in the toons
ME:
ME: we’re more of a sorority though
* * *
ME: how’s it going
FROSH:
ME:
FROSH:
ME:
FROSH:
ME: ok cool good talk
ME: see you around i guess
* * *
FROSH: so what are all the course numbers anyway
ME: oh
ME: well course 1 is civil and environmental engineering
ME: course 2 is mechanical
ME: course 3 is materials science
ME: course 4 is architecture they’re really hardcore
ME: course 5 is chemistry
ME: course 6–
FROSH: oh yeah i know what course 6 is
ME: of course you do
* * *
ME: in french they don’t say “roller coasters” they say “montagnes russes” which means “russian mountains” and i think that’s beautiful