how i’m doing by Joonho K. '20

tired, mostly

there aren’t too many psets

there aren’t too many extracurricular committments

there aren’t too many midterms

there aren’t too many other, miscellaneous things to worry about

but combine them together, and it feels like i’m drowning.

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hand foot mouth disease (what a terrible name) took me down for a week or two. it’s been going around, and now almost everyone’s heard of it. i got it especially bad, though – hands and feet for a few days felt like someone was jabbing a needle into them every time i made contact with something. couldn’t really even think about the work i had to do – i was too busy thinking about how painful this was and how i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

missing out on two weeks of class at mit doesn’t mean you get to catch up on the stuff you missed for two weeks. that workload you were keeping up with side by side, that workload that was just the right pace? it’s far ahead of you, now. to the point where you can’t even see where it went. catching up seems impossible.

skin started peeling from my hands and feet a few weeks ago. i’m going to have to deal with it for a few months. the internet says it’s an annoying part of the healing process. i just think my hands look atrocious.

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spent three whole days tackling the 6.009 lab, got it done in time, but that left me no time to give a good go at 6.006. i only managed to attempt about 60 of the 100 points by tuesday midnight. normally i’d be upset about that, but i didn’t really care this time. today – thursday – today’s going to be working on the 6.004 lab all day. i’ll have to forgo studying for the 24.902 midterm, also today.

i dropped 18.100. felt good, actually.

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thinking about all the things i want to learn and all the ways i want to improve myself as a person – but realizing i don’t have enough hours in the day – not enough energy – not enough days in the week – realizing i’m just tired all the time and wearing myself out. i need something to snap me out of this stupor.

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working in boston rather than some library on campus that’s all-too-familiar has helped a bit. copley square is beautiful on a sunny day with clouds. i watched some boys toss a football on the green while eating a sandwich from the bon me food truck. i went to newbury comics and bought six volumes of one punch man because, well, why not. i’m choosing to spend more time psetting at sigep instead of next. i don’t know what’s with all this negative energy i feel whenever i try to be productive on campus. i can’t really explain it. it’s weird.

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there’s such an interesting hodgepodge of books on my desk that i feel compelled to share their titles with you. mob psycho 100, vol 1 (in korean) – clrs – all five hitchhiker novels in one large volume – the kodansha kanji learner’s course – genki 1 – fun home – korean vocab for foriegners – a playbill of fun home.

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listened to an old playlist and reminisced about some good songs on there.