how to grow a vibrant kresge by Abby H. '20

Spring is here, which means we are nearing the end of Kresge lawn torment season.

From August to March, the grass in front of Kresge is hit with an onslaught of violent offenses ranging from tents to snow, turning it to mud. Recovery begins in April, when it is no longer snowing, and the rain is sufficient to water new sod⁠01 I have all sorts of environmental beef with repeatedly killing grass and then replacing it with sod, but the bond between MIT and her tents is unbreakable. even with recurring episodes of tent.

This is a guide to re-sodding a Kresge of your very own.

Step 1: Get rid of all the grass, and apply an even layer of top soil. Mark the area with arbitrary white flags to indicate your surrender to the will of Sod.

April 3, 4:26 pm.

Step 2: Purchase expensive pallets of sod. Place the pallets on some of the major walkways through Kresge lawn to inconvenience passersby.

April 4, 9:10 am

Step 3: Begin to blanket the dirt in sod, but don’t sod the shadowy areas. It is not yet their time.

April 4, 5:56 pm

Step 4: Decrease the saturation of the sky over the lawn. The saturated blue sky puts a lot of pressure on the young sod to be vibrantly green. We want to encourage the sod to grow up in a non-competitive climate. This makes it weaker and easier to kill once it gets to be grass-killin’ szn again.

April 5, 1:51 pm

Step 5: Hire some actors to do sports on the grass. This will attract real students to enjoy the newly refurbished lawn.

April 11, 4:03 pm

And there you have it! Now you can grown your very own Kresge lawn.