I’m ridin’ on a dolphin, doin’ flips and sh**
Well, I kinda wish I’d been ridin’ on a dolphin, doin’ flips and sh**, but I wasn’t. Instead, I was at the Burton-Conner boat cruise!
No. Not this.
Here’s how it works. Every year our dorm pays for us to go on a really nice, dinner boat cruise, no charge. Each year everybody dresses up and dances the night away after eating delicious food, dessert, and coffee. Each year I dress up, eat delicious food, dessert, coffee, and am bugged and pestered to dance. Every year I fight back. “No! I don’t dance! Let me be the awkward guy who watches! No! Don’t make me! Noooooo!” and then every year I lose, end up dancing, and having a good time. Funny how these things work.
But, I digress. The evening started with us loading onto the boat, each of us humming “I’m on a boat,” eagerly awaiting our opportunity to be “on a boat.”
Once on board we mingled for a bit, took some pictures, and then it was FOOD TIME! The food this year was delicious, better than last year. So good that I fiercely defended my plate against food stealers.
Then it was time to head outside and enjoy the boatiness of the boat. An obvious photo-opp for the “Sophomore Guys.”
We stared at buoys, enjoyed the skyline, and then it was dancing time! This is always the fun time for me, because I don’t dance.
“But Snively, everybody dances! All you have to do is move to the music.”
No. Not me. I’m the awkward white kid who doesn’t dance. Too bad my floor disagrees and decided that by the end of the night I was going to be forced to dance. Some standard songs got played, people danced, and then there was a dance off between our housemaster and Malcom. Needless to say, our housemaster won (sorry Malcom), and as evidence I offer you this video of him shaking his hips to the hokey-pokey.
(he doesn’t know this video is on the Internet)
Next came my moment to shine. The DJ yelled “Hey, what song next guys?” and everybody stood there quiet until Dorothy ’12 from across the hall yelled “I’m on a Boat!” The DJ yelled “Yeah!” and pulled it up. He then pointed right at Dorothy and yelled “Everybody off the dance floor, this girl dances alone! Here we go!” The dance floor emptied. Dorothy stood in the middle.
*boom boom boom*
Ahhhhh sh**, get your towels ready
It’s about to go down
Dorothy is rockin’ it, but still all alone on the dance floor, being stared at. At this point I decide to make peace with the world, swallow any embarrassment and reservations I may have, and do my duty to the Lonely Island.
Everybody in the place hit the ****ing deck
But stay on your mother****ing toes,
Here I go!
We’re running this, let’s go
I break through the people blocking the dance floor, jump out into the middle of the floor next to Dorothy, turn into the least-white (but still mostly white) gangster I can manage, and join in. That’s right, I actually ran out in front of my entire dorm and started dancing, something that I never anticipated happening. Ever.
I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat, everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat!
My floor followed suit, poured onto the dance floor, and then the rest of the dorm joined in and we had the most boat-r-ific dance party ever. The only thing that would have made it better is if we all had nautical themed Pashmina Afghans.
I stayed on the dance floor, believe it or not, even though the next song was Soulja Boy. I even got convinced to dance more (including a conga line that tricked me by disbanding right as I was in the middle of the crowd), making it the most dancing-est night of my life (maybe true? maybe sad? I’m not sure). By the end I was tired, grabbed another cup of coffee, played some cards, and then it was time to get off the boat :(
Now we’re all back on land, all danced out, and ready to push through to the end of the year. Finals in 2 weeks! Brass Rats in 1 week! Back to Oregon in 3 weeks! IT’S ALL SO CLOSE!