I am starting to run out of excuses for when I disappear for long periods of time and then come back mysteriously with scratches on my face and the arm of my coat ripped three-quarters of the way off. I always seem to make it back with some sort of lame and totally transparent reason for why I haven’t posted in over twelve decades (“I was sick“, “I had finals“, “I was off adopting a child from Abu Dhabi”)(oh, did I forget to blog that last one? My bad, guys), but I don’t think this time that will suffice.
So I’m trying something new this time, a new reason for why in the time it has taken me to write this new blog entry I have grown and shaved full-length two beards, and that reason is called the truth. Yes, folks, I’m about to tell you the truth, and man, is it a doozy. You guys don’t even know. You want the real truth, the honest truth, nothing-but-the-truth? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.
The truth is I donated blood about a month ago, and I guess I just didn’t eat enough that day, and, well, it’s a month later. I woke up on the floor of the blood bank with a free sticker that said “HUG ME, I DONATED BLOOD TODAY” stuck to my eyelid and a little pamphlet on not engaging in vigorous physical activity for the next twenty-four hours. Or more like twenty-four days. I’m kind of irritated I lost so much time, but what can you do? I am pretty sure the Red Cross took some other stuff too – a kidney? An ovary? Something’s gotta explain that three-inch scar – but, whatever, I’ve been doing okay without it thus far.
No, but seriously. The real truth is I got swept up with a group of hippies and have been hitchhiking across America, and as such that’s put my MIT career (and blogging abilities) on hold.
I mean, I’ve been traveling on horseback with a group of mounties. They let me wear their hats sometimes, and made fun of me when I try to use the word “aboot”.
I was on a fishing trip deep in the arctic. I spent the last month observing the mating habits of the narwhal.
I got a promotion at Oberlin, so I moved to Ohio and, well, nobody in Boston ever heard from me again.
Nope, wait, that’s Ben Jones. Guys. No. Listen.
The truth is, guys, I joined a cult.
I really didn’t mean to; I guess that’s what everyone says, though, right? So I’m going to the Galleria to pick up some extra socks (it’s just starting to get extra freezing here in New England, and Burton-Conner laundry machines always cost $0.75 and three of your favorite socks), and I hail this cab – turns out my driver is this guy with an incredible tan, like REALLY tan. So we started talking, and, well, now I have no idea where the last month went. But as it turns out conjoined words having to do with Web 2.0 are generally frowned upon in those circles, particularly the word “blog”, so I really wasn’t permitted to be writing about my life at a school of technology. Also, they erased all my email.
(Also, that’s why I haven’t called in a while, Mom.)
Actually, to be completely honest, MIT is hard. (For the record, I wrote this post and therefore came up with that sentiment before Snively, and MIT is still hard even if you study biology.) Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, even the little voice in your head that’s telling you to just strap on your hiking boots and go for a twelve-hour apple picking trip this Saturday. I sort of forgot that MIT is hard, as I tend to do, and then after I got out of my vomity-sickness coma I really remembered it, like smack-you-in-the-face-with-a-failing-grade-on-your-lab-report remembered it, and then all of a sudden I was really behind on all my classes – and not only that! Also, on The Office – and when I get behind on The Office I get cranky and go around slamming doors while everyone else is all, “Wait, so you’re not coming apple picking with us?”
(I’m serious about the email though – I mean, it wasn’t entirely erased, but I transferred it all to Gmail and now I can’t find those questions people emailed me to respond to, because I had them tagged specially in my Apple mail. I know I meant to write about FAP – which was over TWO MONTHS AGO, gah – but I did have some outstanding questions that never got any love. So if you’ll send me more Q’s, I’ll try to give you more A’s. K?)
Anyway, that’s all I have for now, and I’ll try not to disappear again for such a long time. Right now, though, I’m leaving you again – my Abu Dhabian child is crying for my attention, and he can only wait so long. (His name is Usman, in case you were curious. And you think I don’t tell you things!)