Some of you may recall Shuli’s whiteboard post, and upon this whiteboard were a number of (SFW) out of context quotes. Well, as it happens, most living communities have some version of this exact whiteboard, whether physical or virtual. Capturing the absolute batshit random stuff that people say on a day to day basis, whether they are drunk or sober, is one of the things that keeps everybody laughing through the pain that is surviving an MIT semester.
The concentration of emails sent to this mailing list has unfortunately hit a steep decline ever since COVID split us all up – funny things are mostly only funny when they’re said in front of a group of people, after all. But I decided to go through all the emails in my inbox that were sent to this mailing list and pick out some of the really funny and also SFW ones – which, as you might have guessed, comprises of only like 10% of the emails sent to this list. Going through these was a…trip, because I also have no recollection of the situations in which these quotes were said (and I am the genesis of at least a few of them), so they are just as random and hilarious to me as they are to you.
I’m going to attempt to classify them into categories because honestly, most of the quotes that get sent to this list have similar energies. And obviously, proceed at your own risk – if you are an easily offended individual, probably don’t read through these, because while I have still filtered these as much as possible, somebody somewhere could probably still find them offensive.
Gender and Sexuality
- “That’s gay in the way of it being too straight.”
- “I’m the after image of toxic masculinity”
- “why be emo when you could just be a bottom”
- “You don’t need a bisexual light to be pretty”
- “Have you tried going on a boy detox? Aka being not straight?”
- “Being a girl is great. I’m going to braid my hair and wear shoes.”
- “I’m going to be really annoyed if I have to buy a dominatrix outfit.”
- “I want 911 to call me so I don’t sound thirsty”
- “Empathetic is just a synonym for horny.”
Bonus subcategory: Lesbians
- snaps fingers “what’s the term? sheep lesbian?”
- “I don’t want my lesbians to age like cheese”
- “We can’t put that on the quoteboard, you already have too many quotes about lesbians”
- “i can do my midterm…on the toilet!”
- “I tried, and by tried I mean meticulously googled.”
- “Isn’t office hours like voluntary detention?”
- “If we have school tomorrow, walk to the office of administration, sit down in the middle of the floor, and shit yourself”
- “What’s 52 factorial? At least 100?”
Bonus subcategory: …deep learning?
- “it’s like everybody had a hammer and was looking for nails. and the hammer was deep learning”
- “I keep thinking about using Scratch to do deep learning -“
- “everybody’s a bottom under capitalism”
- “slap my salami, [redacted]’s a commie”
- “I was listening, until you shit on capitalism”
I…don’t know how to classify these
- “First of all, I’d like to say that bringing up things I said in the past are against house rules”
- “First you’re stealing hot sauce from Chipotle, then you’re killing people. That’s how it works. That’s how genocide starts.”
- “It brings me a small amount of comfort knowing no baby is that thick”
- “Thank you for the referring to the legendary yerba mate overflow of CPW 2019 It tastes like an emotional crutch”
- “What’s a pore strip? Is it like a pH strip?
- “i can see my hickeys on this playlist”
- “what’s that little mouse called? despacito?”
- “People like [redacted] are why we can’t have the 2nd amendment”
- “Just don’t communicate ever, then you’ll never be misunderstood”
These are just a very small fraction of all the quotes that have been sent to this list, and obviously, many more things are said that were just lost to time because nobody emailed them out. This is one of the things I miss most about the in-person times: just the random bullshit that people would spout on a regular basis, in almost every sentence. I hope that when I reunite with many of my friends post-graduation, we’ll be able to say the same magnitude of stupid shit, and still be able to laugh about it until we cry.
- referring to the legendary yerba mate overflow of CPW 2019 back to text ↑