9 AM: Departure from Mattress, Top Bunk, 212 Random Hall, Cambridge, MA 02139. Please mail excess pillows to address above.
9:20 AM: Conduct first-hand research on the process by which humans die by freezing. Selected approach is to go for a long run in sub-zero weather and the sort of wind chill that eats Jack London novels for breakfast.
10:00 AM: Toast, hummus, crushed olives. High-fiber cereal. Soymilk.
10:20 AM: Start studying physics.
12:05 PM: Pretzels leftover from Katelyn’s fondue study break on the previous eve. Half-priced sunburst tangerine from the organic supermarket down the street. Granola bar of unknown provenance.
12:30 PM: Resume consumption of knowledge.
3:30 PM: Study break! I decide that I can afford to treat myself to quality relaxation time, so I spend half an hour writing my undergraduate research (UROP) proposal*. It’s like yoga for the brain cells.
(*In the past two days, I’ve been taking study breaks to the limit. Unfortunately, this appears to be the limit of absurdity as fun approaches zero. Recent themes of mine have been the 250% Vitamin A Study Break, during which I ate carrot sticks, the Turn on My Calculator Study Break, during which I applied pressure to the On button, and the Blog for MIT Admissions Study Break, which really, really sucked. Just kidding on the last one. Once, I also took a study break from studying biology by studying chemistry.)
4:00 PM: Study: The Return of the Coursework comes out in theatres. I go for the IMAX experience, so to speak.
5:00 PM: French toast for dinner. I underestimate the absorbency of bread, or overestimate the viscosity of eggs. I drink soup from a can, except that this is semantically misleading because I actually poured it into a bowl before drinking it. Finished off with more pretzels. Classy.
5:40 PM: I go on a spontaneous ski trip in New Hampshire and fall down a slope and break my collarbone on a large, protruding rock. (Not really. I studied.)
6:10 PM: Naptime. Tonight, my subconscious is in a recursive mood. I dream that I fell asleep and woke up at 2:23 AM. “I should have woken up earlier,” I thought. At this stage in the dream, I immediately wake up in real life, clutching a cell phone that reads 8:07 PM.
8:10 PM: I resume my glorious pursuit of infinite knowledge.
9:20 PM: Blog. After which I will travel across the land, searching far and wide, teach Pokemon to understand the power that’s inside, Pokemon! / Gotta catch ’em all . . . I mean, study.
(To be fair, Random Hall smothers its residents with group dinners, desserts, massages, daily breakfasts, and even wake-up calls upon request as they descend into the level of Hell reserved for final exams. If not for the onslaught of tests next week, this weekend would be the cherry lovingly dropped on top of the semester sundae. As is, it’s the pits. Pun intended, as always.)
Famous last words: I send my dearest wishes to all the EA applicants! Please, try not to explode.
3:10 AM: Just finished studying. The power goes out. Bedtime is postponed another half hour while I join the rest of Random Hall in playing with glowsticks and running around various floors pretending to be zombies. I also draft a plan to steal back my floor’s bowls from the fourth floor while the lights are off, but Expedition Dinnerware: Total Stealth fails due to lack of volunteers. This is the highlight of my day.